.:I'd Die to Know(Open):.

[Arlenwa Nenharma]

Cedric Eret
The fight inside is breaking me again
Still the same, pursuing pain
Is it worth all I have gained?
We both know how this will end, but I do it again.

Cedric stared straight ahead, grey blue eyes dull, void of emotion. But within his mind and heart were in never-ending turmoil. Emotions were torment. Especially when you weren't allowed to express them, probably more so when there was no one to express them to. Even Naneth, the ever nagging voice that had once echoed in his mind, had disappeared. Nasic was a horse. How could he possibly respond to the depth of emotion humans could show? Of course Nasic could show his "love" by his many acts of courage and selflessness, but did he really care about Cedric? Was it just the food and shelter he provided? The sense of consistency? Or was Cedric like the herd leader?

Cedric didn't mind being used. He had been his whole life. First his father, then his mother once his father had died, Rhiannon continued to use him, and that Elf maiden whose name he dared not speak. Not even in his head. Even though he hadn't seen her ever since their last, and first, meeting she still plagued his already heavily burdened mind. And his heart. She had given him feelings he had never experienced and she took them away as soon as she had left him.

How could she have done that? Weren't Elves responsible? She could have at least have left him a note saying, "Thanks for the good time." Even being thrown aside with some recognition was better than stealing away in the silence of morning. "Enough of her," he growled bitterly, pushing himself off the outside wall of the tavern. He hadn't even gone in yet. Alcohol was the only way to erase, if only for a while, the feelings. Strangely, Cedric didn't feel much like drinking himself into a stupor.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his tousled, black locks. At least he could appear sane with Naneth's absence. People looked at him differently. Most men looked on with respect if they happened to catch a glimpse of his master-crafted blade and the manner of his walk and how he held himself. Plenty of women swooned over him bu the shied away in disgust. Not because of them, but himself. He couldn't treat another woman like a play thing. He couldn't have them for a night and slip off once they had fallen asleep. Cedric couldn't bear doing what she had done to him to another person. Especially since women were such fragile, emotional creatures.

What he wouldn't give to have the opportunity to get to know the Elf maiden. To see her until the day he died. She wouldn't die. She'd live on, and perhaps be happier as soon as he had passed. She would find another one to love and Cedric didn't mind that. Who wanted to live alone? And to live forever, Cedric couldn't imagine having no one to share life with.

Cedric groaned, whipped around, and stormed into the tavern. The harshness of his actions startled most of the tavern patrons but they soon went back to their drinks and sluggish conversations. Cedric sat down in the corner, hood pulled roughly over his head. "Boy," he called gruffly to the inn-keeper's son. "Ale." The boy, of about sixteen, nodded quickly and hurried away.

When the boy returned with the drink Cedric paid him rather generously. "Sir, this is more than re-"

"Keep it."

"But-"

"Keep it," Cedric repeated, his annoyance clear. To loneliness, he thought bitterly as he drank.


[Word Count: 571]
[Notes: Just to let you know, Cedric might be a bit on the grumpy side.. o.o' But he'll get better if you don't make him angry. ]