There and Back Again *Nos*

[Doronlas]

It was a beautiful view, really it was. Standing atop the cliff high above the frigid mountain lake, the view was breathtaking. Opaque water, cold as ice, stretched out below, rippling as the wind blew over the surface. All around the valley, the Merefin Mountains rose like the spines on a dragon's back with a prickly forest of pine trees blanketing the valley. Snow lay in clustered piles over the valley floor, some clinging to the branches of the pines and near the shallow banks of the lake below there was a thin film of ice over the water. Winter was still young but the air was cold in the mountain valley, sky grey with low clouds and promising snow in the night.

On the lake's eastern shore, a bay stallion stood grazing on the cold-burnt grass near the bank. A large brown and white hawk wheeled over the lake, crying out in worry once before swooping low to perch in a pine above where the bay was grazing. The bay barely twitched an ear as it skirted the burned embers of last night's fire.

Watching this all, an elf stood on the cliff over the lake's western shore watching the horse graze. He had set out early that morning before the dawn, skirting around the lake to the cliff base. It had taken a while to climb the cliff itself, his strength nearly half of a normal elf's. Still, he had managed it and now stood on the edge of the cold stone platform. A loose pebble tumbled down the cliff-face, hitting the frigid water far below, leaf-green eyes tracking its decent.

For once, the elf wore no bow or quiver over his back. No long knife rested at his hip. His hair was loose of its archer's braids, green eyes nearly void except for a faint glimmer of resistance. If the shadows wanted to take him, they would have to fight harder.

Standing on a cliff above a freezing lake wasn't smart to some, mostly suicide but for Doronlas this was what he needed. He needed to feel. He needed a shock that was enough to break him from the shadow's grip. His father had been unable to face down the abyss and instead had surrendered to it. Doronlas planned to fight it. He had once been seduced but now he knew better. He wanted to feel, even if it was pain and loneliness.

"Erio-anor anim" Doronlas murmured. (Sun rise for me)

Taking a deep breath, the elf jumped. Adrenaline flooded his body and for the first time in months he felt it as he seemed to float for a moment on the winter wind before falling. The ascent was fast but the wind on his face and jumping of his stomach was all Doronlas needed. He could feel it and that was enough.

He hit the water like an arrow, going straight down. It wasn't suicide. No. It was his cure.

Closing his eyes, Doronlas let himself sink, feeling the ice over his skin. It was so much different from the cold of the shadows. He could feel his lungs burn, begging for oxygen and his hair moving with the water. Curling into a ball, Doronlas let himself move in the water, unable to tell if it was up or down. The darkness crawled at his mind, tempting him as it had for months but now, it felt weaker as he truly felt real cold on his skin. What the shadows promised was only an illusion. The sensations and soothing feeling of the shadow was a lie. This, the water and adrenaline he had felt, this was real. The warmth he had felt with Nostariel was real. The soothing sleep of the shadows was not real. The numbness was a robber, taking him from all he had once thought beautiful and wonderful.

Distantly, above him, Doronlas heard a hawk shriek and began to rise, opening his eyes and seeing the weak light of day above him. Opening his arms, he let himself begin to rise.

Something he had learned from his father: If you can not face the shadows as an enemy, they will swallow you whole. The shadow had fed on him, making him numb. He had needed to let his mind clear. Now he could feel the difference between the shadow's promise and the real world he had longed for. There had never been a barrier between him and what he wanted until the shadow had created it, making him feel detached. Everything he wanted was there. He just had to reach for it.

[Arlenwa Nenharma]

The clatter of hooves echoed in the stillness, the pelt of a silver stallion glittered like the crystalized water that all called snow, his rider looking straight ahead. Nostariel could not help but notice the silence and stillness that trailed her. No rustling of fabric or displeased chattering. Aras would find a better home in Aglar Arda. He had a new home- a much better home than that which the she-elf could provide.

The shrill cry of a she-hawk sounded above the elf, and she looked up, the golden feathers of Baranlinn quite visible in the dreary grey of the sky. Watching until Baranlinn disappeared from her sight, Nostariel whispered to Amarth, his gait picking up to a modest canter. She pulled her hood further over her head, and steered the stallion out of the trees and slowed him to a walk.

She had visited Aglar Arda, and left almost as soon as she had arrived. Nostariel had not been noticed, for she had stayed out of sight, and only bothered to speak once out in the open. Too many people had known her voice.. It was risky, but she had gained the information she had wanted. Beriadan was dead. It was no wonder he had not been returning her letters. Though her last known relative was dead, she did not mourn. There were worse things in the world, and he was most likely happy. He would be happy forever. Nostariel could not be selfish and cry for her loss.

The she-elf was more or less a little frustrated being unable to find Doronlas again. Maybe she should have asked Rowena for her and Morab's help. It seemed to big a favor after Rowena had been so kind in sending Baranlinn to her. Baranlinn had been extremely useful.. and Nostariel did not fail in rewarding her accordingly, just as she did Amarth.

The sound of something dropping into water distracted Amarth, his ears pricking in the direction of the noise. Snorting and tossing his head he turned and stopped to the displeasure of his mistress. "Amarth, man le trasta?" (What troubles you) The stallion began walking on his own, the reins slackened, and Nostariel, having nothing better to do, allowed him to take his own path. Baranlinn appeared again, crying out, and circling around to fly ahead of Amarth.

Amarth galloped after the hawk, Nostariel just enjoying the speed of her powerful mount. A lake came into view, the ripples of disturbance still visible to her keen eyes. Confusion clouded her mind. An animal would not have jumped, and so she tried to reach to a different conclusion. Perhaps it was a soldier fed up with the war and had decided to rid himself of the physical world and to move on to the spiritual. Or maybe it was an animal. The result of a brawl between a seeker and its prey. But maybe not. Her gaze remained on the spot, Amarth twitching beneath her, and Baranlinn letting out one more of her beautiful cries.


{Word Count: 502}
{Notes: Sorry it's short and weird, but I have to go, and I wanted to finish.
EDIT: I got on this morning and added more to my reply xD}

[Doronlas]

Time seemed slow, even by the standard of an immortal elf as Doronlas rose through the chilling water. He let his arms open at his sides, raising his chest until his face broke the surface. Cold winter wind kissed his cheek as the archer pulled in his first breath in several minutes. The world sharpened as his lungs filled, bringing his chest above the water as well. The rising wasn't full of splashing and thrashing like a man that had fallen accidentally, but quiet and controlled. Doronlas let himself float, staring at the grey snow-filled clouds overhead. His face was wet and cold, his clothing heavy with liquid. Thanks to the light weave of elven clothing and the fact he didn't wear heavy swordsman's armor however, it didn't drag him down.

A hawk shrieked somewhere nearby but Doronlas didn't turn to look for the source. He was fixated, focused entirely on the heavens above his head. It was like a blind man seeing. The shadows that had tackled and fought with his mind for so many months felt like distant nightmares. Though he was never going to be completely free of them, Doronlas felt more than he had felt in nearly a year. He felt the cold, real cold, not the false numbness of a fading elf.

From the bank, Olmec launched his large brown bulk from the branch that he had perched on. Shrieking in irritated concern at his elven partner, the big hawk spread his huge wings and wheeled around the lake. Angling his wings, Olmec spiraled toward the floating archer, shrieking what sounded like a reprimand at the elf though the hawk received no reply for his troubles. At the campsite, Dagnir nickered and waded into the shallows of the cold lake despite the chill, breaking the thin ice with his hard hooves and sheer weight. The horse lumbered through the deep mud until he was up to his belly before stopping, watching the elf floating on the current and big brown and white hawk flying over him.

Snorting, Dagnir's head swung toward Amarth and Nostariel, ears twitching in an expression that showed he was not surprised to see them or to find his master floating in a freezing lake. The stallion snorted at Amarth before turning to watch Olmec and Doronlas. The big hawk wheeled down so low his talons brushed Doronlas' chest though he received no response when he pulled up and circled again.

[Arlenwa Nenharma]

A face emerged from the water, Amarth huffing quietly in response to Dagnir, and Nostariel's brows pushed inwards, her head finally turning to see Dagnir wading in the freezing water. Her head snapped back in the face's direction, and she knew it was Doronlas. Dagnir and Olmec did not seem worried in the least bit, and that released some of the tension in her weary nerves. "Padar Amarth," she whispered to the stallion, his muscled frame moving forward even before she spoke his name. (Walk)

Nostariel dismounted, the folds of her dress slowing her slightly, her feet hitting the ground gently. The she-elf stepped over to the edge of the lake, eyes fixed on Doronlas' floating form in the water. His hair was not in the usual fashion, and this brought more confusion to her face. Had he faded even more and this was a way of his letting go? She grimaced, and took several steps into the water before stopping. It didn't appear he was trying to drown himself.. he was above water, and it was plain he was still alive.

Baranlinn circled around the area Olmec was, and perched in a bare tree, ruffling her wings before looking around with keen eyes. Amarth snorted, lowering his head to the snow burdened earth, pushing his nose around and blowing air through his nostrils. There was not much to his liking so his lifted his head again, mouth empty, looking over at Dagnir before to the elves.

"Doronlas?" Nostariel called out to him tentatively, eyes only on the archer's floating figure. She had been able to regain herself and live somewhat, not quite enjoying all the pleasures the world had to offer. It was hard to enjoy things when her mind was occupied with loneliness and worry for Doronlas. The last time she had seen him was not her favorite time, but it was healing. The time they had spent away now had also helped patch her wounded soul, and she could see things more clearly. She could enjoy the trees and quiet whisperings of the forests she loved.

"Doronlas," she repeated, hands grasping the folds of her slowly darkening green dress. Nostariel truly did not mean to bother him.. but it seemed strange. Seeing him floating aimlessly in the freezing water as if he were but a corpse. Though she knew it was not so, and for that she was thankful. If she had found him dead then she would have been soon also. Nostariel forced her thoughts away from death and sadness, eyes bright and hopeful as she watched Doronlas from the shallows.



{Word Count: 431}

[Doronlas]

Doronlas' vivid green eyes closed, mind dropping back to a time many centuries ago when his father had been fading fast. He had comforted his mother while Rowena sat at his bedside. His mother, he could still remember her distress, she had asked him something. He had forgotten it for a long time. Maybe it was because he had forgotten her request, that he had started fading? Doronlas couldn't pinpoint the reason anymore but he did remember sitting on the hearth rug in front of a low fire, his mother in a chair not far to his right. He remembered the heat of the fire on his face, watching the flames dance as his mother asked him one thing before he left for the wilds.

'Doronlas? He is fading. There is nothing we can do. He has turned away from us all. Just promise me that you and your sister will not follow his path. Live. Breathe. Feel. Love.'

Overhead, Olmec wheeled with Baranlinn, calling out to Nostariel when he saw the elleth at the shallows. Swooping in a wide arc, Olmec flew toward the bank where, the night before, his elven hatchling had made his camp. Dagnir had not moved from the shallows but Olmec had another target. Under a gnarled pine, Doronlas had left his bow and quiver leaning against the rough bark. Swooping low toward it, Olmec flung his wings back and extended his talons. His sharp talons grabbed hold of a single hawk-fletched arrow and pulled it free of the quiver. He was tired of his hatchling floating in the lake. Elf or no, in his weakened state the cold could kill him. Flying out toward where Doronlas was, still with his eyes closed, Olmec circled twice. Calling out a hawk's hunting cry, Olmec released the arrow he held.

The hawk feather arrow plunged, arrowhead first toward Doronlas. Just before hitting the body, Doronlas' right hand shot up and grabbed the arrow. The very tip of the arrowhead, deadly sharp, hadn't even touched him. The elf's eyes opened and he looked at the arrow in his grip, arrowtip still pointing at his own chest. A small smile tugged on his lips as he righted himself, treading water and still holding the arrow.

Looking toward the shallows, Doronlas saw Nostariel and for the first time since their parting, and perhaps before, he smiled. It wasn't forced or only halfhearted but an actual smile that reached his eyes and made them glimmer like emeralds.

'Live. Breath. Feel. Love.'

Maybe he could manage that after all.

Almost with reverence, Doronlas made his way toward the shallows until his feet touched the cold ground, several feet from Nostariel, still smiling and watching her. The hawk arrow was held, fletched end in the water with his pointer finger and middle finger just under the arrowhead, arrowhead pointing skyward. Raising the arrow so it was completely out of the water, Doronlas stroked the wet hawk feathers with his left fingertips for a moment before locking gazes with Nostariel. With a flick of the wrist, Doronlas sent the arrow flying. It struck the ground just on the bank of the lake, arrowhead burying in the freezing earth.

[Arlenwa Nenharma]

At Olmec's cry, Nostariel's eyes flashed over to the great hawk as his talons closed about an arrow, and he flew over to Doronlas was in the water. Her body tensed automatically, but she forced calm on herself, knowing Olmec would do nothing to harm Doronlas. Her eyes followed the arrow as it descended, gaining speed as gravity called it back down to the earth. The she-elf gasped, flinching some when Doronlas robbed gravity of 'its' arrow and froze in place.

The archer ceased his floating, and swam upright. His smile destroyed her unhappiness and worry, and after she recovered, a glorious smile of her own erasing the frown and taking over not just her mouth, but a joyous expression also warming her face. He was better.. and his movements didn't appear forced as they had been once, and as hers had been at their parting.

As if in a dream he moved from the water, Nostariel watching every ripple and wave his movements brought, and her eyes moved up from the water to his eyes, her breathing stopping until she made her lungs work.. bringing air in and out unsteadily. It was so strange to see him smile without force again. A smile she had only once dreamed of seeing on his face, and it evaporated much of the dark feelings dwelling in her heart.

Doronlas had been able to heal much of himself without her. It was both saddened her, but also brought peace and calm over the she-elf. He was like a healer who had healed himself in battle, only to be wounded again.. She shouldn't be here. If the light was returning to him, who was she to steal it away again? Nostariel was the cause of most of his troubles, and his wounds.

Nostariel's heart sped when Doronlas pulled her to him, his chin on her shoulder. "Love is not something I can deny you, anor nin." His lips touched the flesh of her neck, her heart moving like the wings of a startled songbird. "We have both been fools but...I will fight the darkness, if only at your command that I stay." The closeness of Doronlas strengthened her, gave her even more hope that he would be fine, and maybe to enjoy life to its fullest. Maybe she was being to negative and self-loathing.. She would be happy.

Nostariel refocused on Doronlas, and now, he stood only a few feet away, and she reminded herself to keep breathing steadily and not cry out in a random act of happiness. Her hands let go of the rich green fabric, smiling even as she looked to Doronlas, hearing the arrow strike the earth, the sharp tip digging into the hard soil. Even if she had wanted to watch the thing dive into the earth, she would not have been able to bring herself to watch. The sight before her was already too much- too stunning for her to tear her gaze away. The arrow was nothing. It was a mere piece of coal in a cavern of shimmering treasures, nothing to look at, or even to bother noticing.



{Word Count: 518

[Doronlas]

Doronlas swore the sun was shining when he saw Nostariel smile. He felt..strange. It was like he had been asleep for far too long and too many people had been waiting for him to wake up. If only his father had known what he had thrown away. Doronlas didn't want to make his father's mistakes but he had almost done it anyway. It left a bad taste in his mouth to even think about the numbness that had consumed him for too long. He needed the sun on his shoulders, breeze caressing his face and the earth around him. Because he had been a fool, he would have to wait until spring but until then, Doronlas knew he could make due with Nostariel's fine company.

"I think I've been a fool as of late" Doronlas said softly, ignoring the freezing water around his knees. "'The downfall of a father is the downfall of his son'" Doronlas quoted, "never a statement more true."

Wading closer to Nostariel, Doronlas had to smother the urge to hug her, swing her around and just hold her. He wanted to feel her again, just her presence if nothing else. He remembered her being his ray of sunlight in the darkness but something in the back of his mind told him that ray had been dim compared to how she was when he was out of the shadow's haze. Still, Doronlas kept himself under control even if he didn't really want to. He knew he was soaking wet so she probably wouldn't want to hug him. He'd just flung himself into a freezing lake, of course she would probably prefer to stay mostly dry considering it was the beginning of winter.

Over the lake, Olmec did a final lap before flying toward where Baranlinn was perched. He banked sharply before reaching her, chortling and perching on another branch. Always the gentleman. The big hawk ruffled his feathers, fluffing up against the winter chill though his bulk alone kept him relatively warm. Add in the fact that Doronlas kept campfires in the camps during the winter and shared his hunted meals with the hawk and some would say Olmec was spoiled but he was still always well mannered to the fairer gender. Dagnir for his part, waded out of the lake and shook water from his coat before going to graze, more or less ignoring not only Amath but also his own master.

[Arlenwa Nenharma]

"I think I've been a fool as of late." Nostariel bit her lip to keep the joyous laughter back. "'The downfall of a father is the downfall of his son.'" His voice didn't sound as burdened as it had been. "never a statement more true." Nostariel didn't know what Doronlas meant by this, but she assumed.. assumed his father must have faded just as Doronlas nearly had. He was well! Or at least well enough to smile as brilliantly as the heavens did on its earthbound children.

Baranlinn turned her head, watching Olmec swoop down onto a branch, her soft cry sounded. A polite welcoming, her head turning away again. Amarth huffed, walking past Dagnir, snorting grumpily in acknowledgement, but nothing more. If the younger stallion chose to be ignorant, then he would turn into a grumpy, pushy version of himself.

Nostariel wasn't sure what to do with herself, her eyes glittering their strange mixture of greys, greens, and blues. Ignoring the cold water slowly traveling up the fabric of her dress, she moved towards him, throwing her arms around his neck, lips brushing his cheek gently. "Maybe you have been a fool," she murmured, pulling herself away despite her desperate want to stay near him. The she-elf's dress was now wet, the fabric absorbing the cold and chill of most of the water. "But it does not matter now." Her smile dimmed slightly, and she shifted in the water, the cold nipping at her bare legs beneath the soaking fabric. The chill was barely acknowledged as her smile returned, gaze steady, and calm for once in so many years.

Seeing Doronlas expressing himself so brought more than happiness and peace to Nostariel. How could jumping into a freezing lake bring someone such emotions? Nostariel was not likely to understand, but she had her own ways of feeling.. experiencing emotions. Loneliness was not difficult to muster in one's heart. Being away from someone you cared for, or losing them could bring that. Anger, was not so hard either, but it was not an emotion the she-elf had felt towards anyone but herself. But Doronlas' smile.. it let some of the guilt be broken within.



{Word Count: 361}

[Doronlas]

Doronlas' heart leaped as Nostariel smiled and moved closer. He opened his arms to receive her, wrapping his arms around her waist as hers settled around his neck. Angling his head slightly, Doronlas molded toward her, holding the elleth to his chest in a firm but gentle grip. He didn't want to accidentally hurt her though he still lacked the strength of a fully healthy elf. This weakness however, was different from the weakness he had felt while firmly in the hold of the shadow. With this, Doronlas felt sure he would be alright if given a few days of good rest. Before the weakness had been suffocating, like it was mocking him, making him think he could do nothing about it.

Now, now he felt stronger and warmer than he had in months.

Smiling softly, Doronlas pressed his lips against Nostariel's cheek in a quick kiss, chuckling a little. The sound was warm, not humorless and cold, making his chest vibrate when a few days earlier even a humorless laugh would have been hard to get from him. "If I let you fall ill from the cold then I would truly be a fool" Doronlas murmured.

Shifting back just a little, Doronlas kept one arm around Nostariel's back and gracefully swept his free arm behind the she-elf's knees. He held her easily. Though weaker than a normal elf, Doronlas could still easily bear Nostariel's light weight. Moving out of the water, Doronlas made his way to the camp he had abandoned earlier to go jump in the lake. Such times felt like they were a lifetime away rather than merely a few hours.

Carefully putting Nostariel back on her own feet, Doronlas cast a shy smile to her, his eyes more alight than they had been in many months.

Sensing a difference in his master, Dagnir raised his head from grazing on the cold-burnt grass. Snorting noisily, the bay practically strutted past Amath as if to mock the older stallion as Dagnir made his way to Doronlas. With a nicker, the stallion snuffled at Doronlas' cheek, swishing his black tail back and forth once or twice. Doronlas murmured softly to the equine in words he did not understand but knew to be soothing and strong, Dagnir relaxed further and returned to his grazing.In the branches, Olmec chortled and shifted his weight on the branch, wings fluttering a little before resettling over his large bulky form.

Doronlas looked back to Nostariel. "An odd way to return to one's senses hmm? Jumping in a lake, highly effective though." There was even a hint of teasing in his voice.

[Arlenwa Nenharma]

"If I let you fall ill from the cold then I would truly be a fool." Nostariel laughed, but the sound turned to a quiet gasp as Doronlas gathered her in his arms. The smile crept back over her lips. This was a different from the Doronlas she had parted ways with. The one who was sad.. distant. Doronlas was better, or at least better than before. It was improvement, and this made her smile grow again.

Nostariel regained her balance easily as Doronlas set her back on the ground. He even felt physically stronger. She smiled brightly as she met his eyes and smiling face. Her stomach twisted strangely, sending her gaze away and over to Dagnir as he moved past Amarth who watched grumpily. The silver stallion snorted, flicked his tail, and lowered his head to the ground. Why should he bother with the young one anyway? In truth, Amarth knew he might not be able to beat the younger equine in any sort of fight. Unfriendly or friendly. Well, maybe he was just lazy.

Looking back to Doronlas, her smile dimmed some, eyes shining. "An odd way to return to one's senses hmm? Jumping in a lake, highly effective though." A light laugh tumbled past her lips, but she contained it quickly, teeth sinking into her bottom lip briefly before they slipped back to their places. "I believe so. You seem more yourself again," she said, fighting back laughter that threatened to erupt from inside her. It was too strange. How he had regained this much of himself in the time they had been apart that is. "Although, I do not think I approve of jumping off cliffs.." Her voice quieted down as she glanced over to the place where she assumed he had made the leap, lips pursed. Just as quickly as she had set her eyes, once again, on Doronlas, her smile returned in all its brilliance. A smile she felt only seeing him happy could bring her.

Baranlinn flew from the branches, a loud cry signaling her leave to Nostariel. She would hunt and return soon. The she-elf's eyes barely left the safety and joy of Doronlas, hands gripping the damp material of her dress. It was so healing- so wonderful to see his face again, and hopefully, she didn't bring any discomfort to Doronlas.. again. "Promise you will at least try and find.. less life-threatening ways to thrill yourself?" She smiled still. Hopefully he would see this merely as a joke, but also.. know that she didn't want to see him hurt. Not that he couldn't handle himself. Nostariel didn't think she could.



{Word Count: 437}